Failing

So, what can I say? That the hiatus was planned? Or that I'm just lazy.

Truthfully, I've been busy. Through AP testing, Graduation, parties, Birthday and house guests, you could say I haven't had much time. Still, while all of that is true, I'm sure there was time to write that I ignored. There was time to watch TV.

On that note, Ten Weeks from Last Sunday I leave for college. A land where I will no longer have access to Cable TV. As much as I want to lose my dependency on the colorful box, I'm going to miss it. I go in there thankful for Hulu. Where would I be without Glee or How I Met Your Mother? Those I know I will always watch. And I'd like to think I'll still have time for other frivolous (sp?) entertainments. But others gone before me have warned that TV watching becomes a thing of the past. Seriously? I've once spent 13 hours as a child watching straight Looney Tunes. Me and TV go way back.

And while I know I use it for my mind numbing purposes, I'm totally ok with it--- because it's not all that I do. I am much more than TV.

And, speaking of what I "AM," I guess this is my last summer to figure out exactly who I am before I go and test myself out in the real world with no familiar connections to run back to. So, who am I?

I think I have a relatively good idea. I'm an optimist. I see the best in others and in every situation. I don't like to be told what to do, but I am not so desperate to be independent that I'll ignore my parents. I mean yes, I desperately want to be independent, but I do realize that I can't always just do what I want. I have to do things for others too (such as babysit my little sister... ack).

I have political opinions, but I don't want them to overshadow my religious ones. I'm Catholic and I want to follow my church's teaching. But, and I can't believe I'm quoting Dan Brown, PDBAZ. Please Don't Be A Zombie. Which, in this context, means I try not to be one. I try not to blindly accept things but, I do realize that church has some authority, and I think it's GOOD to have some authority in life. A lot of people my age instinctivly rebel against being TOLD things, authority in general. They're tired of being controlled like children and resent all forms of BECAUSE I SAID SO. But, I think eventually, everyone will mature and accept that some things are beyond themselves. Not all, but there has to be some.

So, what am I going to do this summer? Well, hopefully lose some weight, but I'm so mentally lazy I can't even bring myself to try except pray for the ability at night. I need assitance, trust, and no parents forcing it on me. Or I shut down.

I do want to exert my independence too. I want to go geocaching, see my friends, spend some money and also continue doing the things important to me. I want to go to Mass each Sunday, and Youth Group on Tuesdays, and play cards with my family and friends on the weekends.

I've publically said such things, but I wonder what this whole post really meant. Was there a purpose to this self-reflective rambling? Or am I just going for this High-And-Mighty feeling? I hope not to the latter.

So, as not to be a liar, a quick anecdote you've been waiting for:

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to get a hold of the movie Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. It's like it doesn't want to be found!!! No RedBox no Target no friends to borrow from, and for some odd reason, my parents have developed an aversion to Blockbuster because it's a waste of money.

....

Guess I'll read the book for now.